General Parenting, Uncategorized

Life With 3 Under 3

Sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m finding this parenting thing difficult because it IS difficult.

Few people have twins. Even fewer have 3 under 3. This is not the norm.

Evey time I go out someone comments, “you’ve got your hands full!”

Yes, I do (thanks for letting me know – I hadn’t noticed!).

There’s a lot of total and utter chaos and me running around muttering/shouting how I’m “sick of this shit”, but overall I kind of love it.

(Which is easy to say when they’re all asleep. Ask me again tomorrow 😂)

It’s adorable,

wild,

and messy.

It’s my life.

#day17 #30daychallenge

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General Parenting, Uncategorized

Reflux

The more I read about reflux in babies, the more I am convinced that Caide suffered from it, despite everyone telling me that it was normal.

I remember constantly thinking ‘how can this be normal?!” on pretty much an hourly basis. But being a first time Mum I believed the health visitor and GP over my own instincts. And being a Mum with anxiety I didn’t push the issue. I didn’t advocate for him.

But I know now that just because a baby is gaining weight, doesn’t mean they don’t have reflux. They can still be in pain.

So what made me think it wasn’t normal?

1. Frequent spitting up. Like, really frequent. He’d soak through 2 large muslins at every feed, then another 2 in the time between feeds. I timed it and wrote down every time he puked to see if I was overexaggerating it in my head. I wasn’t. He puked at least once every 15mins. And not just a little bit. I was told this was normal.

2. Frequent feeding. He ate every 2hrs, presumably because he was spitting up most of what was going down. I think the only reason he was still putting on weight is because of the sheer volume he was drinking in order to replace what was coming back up. I sometimes wondered if he was puking so much because he was eating so much so I did an experiment and found that it was definitely the other way around. He ate because he puked.

3. Fussy feeding. There was lots of wriggling, grunting, back arching and stopping and starting. While still trying to breastfeed, several lactation consultants and my health visitor were baffled as to why he was coming on and off all the time. He had a good latch and was sucking correctly, but every 2-3 swallows, he’d back-arch off me and scream. And puke, of course.

4. Comfort feeding. It was like he found it soothing in some way but would throw it all back up again and scream and it would start all over again. A dummy just didn’t do it for him, there had to be milk.

5. Back arching. All. The. Time. We’d say he was “doing his best ‘C’ impression” or “going for the full ‘O'”. Sometimes there was accompanying screaming, sometimes grunting, sometimes nothing.

6. Won’t go down. Awake or asleep. I had to hold him all the time. As someone who gets touched out pretty quickly this was a nightmare. If awake, I could sometimes put him in his bouncer/rocker chair but never on the floor. He had to be upright, even when being held, or there’d be screaming. Even as a tiny baby with no head control.

7. Coughing, gagging, sneezing, hiccups and congestion. I was also told this was all normal (and especially for c section babies), as babies are still learning how to use their digestive/respiratory systems. In hindsight, it was more likely due to irritation in his airways and throat due to reflux.

8. Wont sleep more than 2hrs at a time (If I was lucky. His naps were always 30mins. Exactly 30mins. If he napped at all). He didn’t start sleeping longer until he was old enough to sleep on his tummy.

He’d also puke in his sleep. We layered muslins under his head so we could just remove one at a time.

9. Wet burps. It was never just a burp. Ever. There was always puke. It didn’t always come out (silent reflux) but it was there. I could hear it. We grabbed a muslin and held it under his mouth quicker than you can blink every time we heard it. We were never wrong.

Health professionals need to take a mother’s instincts more seriously. I knew it wasn’t normal but was brushed off by my health visitor and 2 doctors. Caide’s babyhood was pretty miserable as a result, for all of us.

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*this pic is from day 2. I’d already learned to always have a muslin under him. And hold him upright. I haven’t slept since before his birth.

#day16 #30daychallenge

anxiety, General Parenting, Mental Health, Stay-at-home-Mum Life, Uncategorized

Getting My Life In Order

I am a lover of lists. And spreadsheets. And space-saving storage solutions.

I like things organised.

Things have felt a little hectic and chaotic lately. Cleaning has been neglected. Meal plans have been non-existent. We’re running out of food towards the end of the week as a result. Our routine keeps changing.

Kids need a stable routine.

Anxious mummies need a stable routine.

When we’re all getting antsy at the same time it does not make for a good household atmosphere.

So the past few days I’ve been getting back to my lists and spreadsheets.

I’ve written a list of all the dinners we eat in such a way that if we choose one thing from each row we’ve got a full month’s meal plan with plenty of variety.

No more “what do you want for dinner?” “Don’t know, what have we got?” “No idea.”

No more shopping list fails. We’ll have enough food to get us through the week.

It’s going to take so much stress out of our lives. (Hopefully).

I’ve also been planning educational activities and games to play with the kids. And working out a toy rotation.

No more stagnating about the house.

I’ve also been (gradually) deep cleaning everything. And decluttering (again).

It’s awful how gross things have gotten around here. And how quickly the clutter builds up.

I feel like there is always something that needs to be done but there isn’t time. Maybe that’s just home ownership mashed up with parenting.

I struggle to get out when there’s things to be done in the house, so getting back to a routine where things get done will hopefully help with that too.

We went to the aquarium on Father’s Day and it wasn’t nearly as stressful as I thought it would be. Now that the twins are a little older it’s getting easier.

I think the hardest baby days are past.

#day15 #30daychallenge

General Parenting, Life Events, Uncategorized

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Father’s Day to this guy.

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The man who loves my kids as much as I do.

The man who will always play even when he’s really not in the mood.

The man Caide runs full-pelt down the hallway for as soon as he hears the door open. And who he cries for in the morning when you’re not there.

The man who was excited (not terrified) to find out it was twins. “Double baby cuddles!”

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The man who keeps their Mummy sane(ish).

People ask me things like, “does he help?”, “is he good with them?”. A simple “yes” doesn’t do justice to how much you do for our children.

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You don’t “help”, you parent. We’re a team. I couldn’t have chosen a better father for my kids.

Thank you for being you.

I couldn’t do this without you.

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#day13 #30daychallenge

Behaviour, General Parenting, Uncategorized

Non-Stop Intensity

I cannot parent this child. I’m just not mentally strong enough.

He has had me in tears every day this week. He is just so relentless. He. Does. Not. Stop.

My anxiety is through the roof.

I never know what he’s going to do next. Hell, half the time I’m not even sure what he’s doing right at that moment. Has he run out of the room to go to the potty? Climb the babygate into the kitchen? Wake the babies from their nap?

Is he approaching his baby brother to show/give him a toy or to kick him?

Is he moving his chair to sit on it elsewhere or to reach something he shouldn’t?

I feel like I am constantly living on edge, trying to anticipate his every move in order to limit the damage.

It’s exhausting.

I’m worn out.

I just don’t know how he’s going to react to any given situation. He is not consistent. Something that comforts him one day wont the next. A strategy that makes him listen will only work once. A strategy to get him to co-operate with getting dressed will only work once.

I just can’t figure him out.

I know toddlers are just like this but there just seems to be something more intense about Caide. He is very much all-or-nothing. About everything. All the time.

I am exhausted.

Apparently he is not.

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p.s it took me ages to find a photo for this post because they’re all blurry. He doesn’t stop long enough to take a photo. They are always blurry.

#day9of30 #30daychallenge

Uncategorized

What’s in a Name?

Why “mousy”?

My Gran loves to tell anyone who will listen – repeatedly – about how her beautiful grandaughter with gorgeous blond curls used to run up and down her (low) windowsill calling herself “Mousy Gordon”.

Well that was me.

The curls are gone and my surname has changed but I think “mousy” adequately describes my personality.

Small. Timid. Hides when it’s busy. Comes out when everyone is gone. Not a fan of being out in the open. Scurries when confronted.

Loves cheese.

(Though apparently that’s a myth according to my “how to get rid of mice” googling last week).

(And yes, I literally only just realised the irony of the mousy mummy finding a mouse in her house…)

But anyway. That’s how it started. If anyone was wondering…

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#day6of30 #30daychallenge

Uncategorized

30 Day Post Challenge

I’ve been rubbish at updating this blog and I’m not even sure I know where I want it to go so I’ve decided to do 30 posts in 30 days to get back into the habit of writing and see where it takes me.

I’ve been mostly focusing on my Facebook page but even that has fallen in the gutter but I’d really like to keep this going. Focussing solely on mental health is becoming a bit of a downer I think and it’s making me anxious about posting, worrying I’m just coming across as wanting somewhere to have a moan. So I’m just going to write everything that comes to me for now.

Prepare for 30 days of total drivel! 😂